Okay Steven, I just implemented all your advice and fix-ups.
As to Conan's background and why he's fought more than 100 battles by the time of his mid-to-late 20s I have plans to unfold those details slowly but steadily.
I super appreciate you taking the 'red highlighter' as my lit-agent/business advisor uncle tends to give out. You did me a MASSIVE favour. I have got now to make damn sure you later get a signed copy of Gemstone or Crown of Blood.
I cannot stress how grateful I am for your support, readership and just... you always comment on my stories, and really help save me as a writer and story-teller.
Conan is a character I've been developing for a few weeks now, and I'm eager to write on a semi-permanent basis and you've just helped rescue him to my mind. I only wish I had not put in so many typos.
So kudos to you mon ami. For the record, it's fellows like you who are the reason I keep writing in English otherwise I'd have just quit writing in English long ago and focused on French stories.
Happy to help! I've gotten to do the "unpaid advance reader" thing before for a couple indie authors and really enjoyed the experience, so that proofreader's habit comes out again sometimes.
You have great insight into the craft and your writing has a compelling quality to it that's hard to find these days. You have my enthusiastic support in whatever means I may best assist.
Geeze, you’re gonna move me to tears… thank you…. I- I’m grateful. Truly. I’ve never thought of my writing as particularly unique, compelling or anything. As to insight into the craft, I don’t know. I just spend a lot of time thinking about it, pondering it and trying to perfect it. I hope to grow my insights into it God willing.
I imagine many a indie authors were as moved as I am by your aid, as a proofreader you’re top notch Steven.
"Consternated by this he was to however wait several minutes for his foes’ bickering to persist before he advanced once more."
They were already at the part of the ritual where they advanced on her with knives drawn to cut pieces off of her when he first interrupted them. If he subsequently spent "several minutes" hiding behind a pillar while any of them "continued the ritual", that implies her getting sliced up as he cowers behind a rock.
"Clever and magnificent the warrior before her was a man unlike any other, one who had thought in more than a thousand battles since he was a boy."
Thought? Or fought?
Is this literally true or hyperbole? If true, it implies that he's either MUCH older than my impression of a man in his prime or that this country is violent to a degree far outside the historical norm.
Ok, so I was pretty close on his age, but that then works out to something like an average of one battle per week since puberty. That may not sound like much, but that's more frequent engagements than even the typical war zone. What's the backstory there?
"He chanted for a few moments in the old tongue, that of the Romalians as he called hither from the depths of the ether flames of an untold heat the likes of which only the suns’ could compare with. When he had finished his very brief one-word chant,"
The old tongue of Romalia is so verbose that one word requires "a few moments" and even that is considered "very brief"? The amount of time implied here is unclear.
It's a rousing tale and I much enjoyed it. Still, it might benefit from some minor edits.
Okay Steven, I just implemented all your advice and fix-ups.
As to Conan's background and why he's fought more than 100 battles by the time of his mid-to-late 20s I have plans to unfold those details slowly but steadily.
I super appreciate you taking the 'red highlighter' as my lit-agent/business advisor uncle tends to give out. You did me a MASSIVE favour. I have got now to make damn sure you later get a signed copy of Gemstone or Crown of Blood.
I cannot stress how grateful I am for your support, readership and just... you always comment on my stories, and really help save me as a writer and story-teller.
Conan is a character I've been developing for a few weeks now, and I'm eager to write on a semi-permanent basis and you've just helped rescue him to my mind. I only wish I had not put in so many typos.
So kudos to you mon ami. For the record, it's fellows like you who are the reason I keep writing in English otherwise I'd have just quit writing in English long ago and focused on French stories.
Happy to help! I've gotten to do the "unpaid advance reader" thing before for a couple indie authors and really enjoyed the experience, so that proofreader's habit comes out again sometimes.
You have great insight into the craft and your writing has a compelling quality to it that's hard to find these days. You have my enthusiastic support in whatever means I may best assist.
Geeze, you’re gonna move me to tears… thank you…. I- I’m grateful. Truly. I’ve never thought of my writing as particularly unique, compelling or anything. As to insight into the craft, I don’t know. I just spend a lot of time thinking about it, pondering it and trying to perfect it. I hope to grow my insights into it God willing.
I imagine many a indie authors were as moved as I am by your aid, as a proofreader you’re top notch Steven.
Agreed on the minor edits part. I’ll have to look into re-hauling the story later when I’m not pressed.
I’m currently planning to look more into Brothers Grimm, Perrault and other such stories for inspiration for my Conan the Knight stories.
"Consternated by this he was to however wait several minutes for his foes’ bickering to persist before he advanced once more."
They were already at the part of the ritual where they advanced on her with knives drawn to cut pieces off of her when he first interrupted them. If he subsequently spent "several minutes" hiding behind a pillar while any of them "continued the ritual", that implies her getting sliced up as he cowers behind a rock.
I’ll re-word that.
"Clever and magnificent the warrior before her was a man unlike any other, one who had thought in more than a thousand battles since he was a boy."
Thought? Or fought?
Is this literally true or hyperbole? If true, it implies that he's either MUCH older than my impression of a man in his prime or that this country is violent to a degree far outside the historical norm.
Fought, and the idea is he’s near to thirty.
Ok, so I was pretty close on his age, but that then works out to something like an average of one battle per week since puberty. That may not sound like much, but that's more frequent engagements than even the typical war zone. What's the backstory there?
"He chanted for a few moments in the old tongue, that of the Romalians as he called hither from the depths of the ether flames of an untold heat the likes of which only the suns’ could compare with. When he had finished his very brief one-word chant,"
The old tongue of Romalia is so verbose that one word requires "a few moments" and even that is considered "very brief"? The amount of time implied here is unclear.
Gotcha
Typo?
"'-Which is might,' Leonid remarked to himself with a slight snigger."
Is this meant to say "-Which it might" or "-Which is right"?
Massive typo problem there. One second.