My feeling about this is to keep it off screen and just hint gently at the fact that it might have happened. Unless you're writing pornography, and even then you have to build up to it.
I really have had to do it only once- two supporting characters in captivity finding each other, and one previously homosexual before the act- not to mention the size difference…it would have been awkward to describer, so I didn’t.
As a writer (and reader as well), I don't write sex scenes or like them. It's not my thing. If people want to label me as a children's author or YA author because of that, then so be it. I don't give a damn about that, I write what I want to write, and I don't write what I don't like.
Yeah I agree, you don't need to write about it. Its private stuff as you said, not to mentioned each person is different and will have different experiences. it shouldn't be made evil, sinful or hushed to talk about, as this messes it up in children's minds, but society has swung (like usual) to the opposite end of the pendulum, where they are making it too promoted and available, and trying to fix everyone's, including very young children's minds on it--Something that is also very harmful to children etc. (note rising pornography addiction). So yeah, that's my rant. Make it natural, special and let it stay mysterious and personal.
Don't beat yourself up. As for sex scenes, you left out another big reason not to write them, because then your parents won't be able to read your work.
In this day and age, a writer sets himself or herself apart by leaving smut out. To my mind, writing clean shows moral excellence, self-respect, and class--and that one doesn't follow the crowd.
So, my views on this are rather…complicated (I know, I know, shocker, lol).
For me the problem is not with the sex scenes in general (I’ve written a few by now), my problem is when it’s cheapened, like you said.
Sex isn’t cheap, it always comes with a price, whether it be a physical or emotional one (often both). Not something that should ever be taken lightly. And something that deserves better than to be cheapened or reduced.
Which is why, when I do write them, I’m far more focused on the emotional side of the event rather than the physical aspect. It could be strengthening the romantic connection between two characters or, in some cases, used to establish absolute villainy.
And I understand the want to fade out, as they are uncomfortable situations. But, writing in first person, as I often do, it doesn’t feel right to fade out. Fading out takes away from that emotional bond between the reader and the character.
I want my reader right there with my character every step of the way, experiencing everything they experience. To know them almost as well as they would know themselves, if that makes sense. To me, fading out sort of lessens that impact.
I don’t see how it weakens the bond. Weirdly I’ve always found that I care less when I see the sex scene, and from what I’ve observed in others it is the same.
Thing is it will always be something that cheapens. It’s Marxist and runs counter to the principles of good literature, I mean the Bible cuts to black, the Nibelungenlied, Aeneid, Iliad, Odyssey, all other good literature does so. I fail to see your point.
I think also there are biological influences to consider. I can’t remember who said it or how the exact wording goes, but there’s a saying that states men focus on things whereas women focus on people, or some such.
As women, we crave that emotional input and connection more than many other things. Not to say men don’t, but it’s often not their priority.
So when it comes to these types of scenes which are primarily emotional in context, men just aren’t interested in reading about it.
And that’s perfectly fine. I have my limits on it as well. Like I told Kathrine, once parts start getting named, I’m out. Or if it doesn’t need to be there (honestly, that applies to every scene). Anything that would take away from its emotional significance.
None of this is to say it’s the only literature I enjoy either. I can’t stomach those awful Nora Roberts books or any of those department store generic romance novels 🤮(My apologies to anyone that enjoys them, I’m just not one of them). I just want a good story. If a sex scene or two is a part of it, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine too.
Oooohhh okay, I better understand your perspective. I can see what you mean, though I do wonder; you don’t like guys’ parts being named things like the holy lance or something?
My feeling about this is to keep it off screen and just hint gently at the fact that it might have happened. Unless you're writing pornography, and even then you have to build up to it.
Makes sense to me. Seems we approach things from the same angle.
I really have had to do it only once- two supporting characters in captivity finding each other, and one previously homosexual before the act- not to mention the size difference…it would have been awkward to describer, so I didn’t.
Ah I see, already sounds a little awkward.
lmfao
lol
As a writer (and reader as well), I don't write sex scenes or like them. It's not my thing. If people want to label me as a children's author or YA author because of that, then so be it. I don't give a damn about that, I write what I want to write, and I don't write what I don't like.
Simple as that.
Good mentality to have, there’s nothing wrong with preferring to write things that don’t include them.
Yeah I agree, you don't need to write about it. Its private stuff as you said, not to mentioned each person is different and will have different experiences. it shouldn't be made evil, sinful or hushed to talk about, as this messes it up in children's minds, but society has swung (like usual) to the opposite end of the pendulum, where they are making it too promoted and available, and trying to fix everyone's, including very young children's minds on it--Something that is also very harmful to children etc. (note rising pornography addiction). So yeah, that's my rant. Make it natural, special and let it stay mysterious and personal.
Very excellent point, great comment. I must say that you worded things so well Alucard (as always!)!
Merci! It must be my french genes speaking to you… lol
You know my last name is De Launey and I trace back directly to this family: https://www.heraldrysinstitute.com/lang/en/cognomi/Delaunay/idc/663203/
Fascinant! De Launey sounds like an interesting clan.
And np, I’m sorry I don’t have it up yet. I wanted to publish one podcast at a time this week.
Don't beat yourself up. As for sex scenes, you left out another big reason not to write them, because then your parents won't be able to read your work.
Lol there is that!
In this day and age, a writer sets himself or herself apart by leaving smut out. To my mind, writing clean shows moral excellence, self-respect, and class--and that one doesn't follow the crowd.
Very much agree
Wow, thank you so much for the shoutout! I’m honored!
I’m just happy to help
Great essay, as usual.
So, my views on this are rather…complicated (I know, I know, shocker, lol).
For me the problem is not with the sex scenes in general (I’ve written a few by now), my problem is when it’s cheapened, like you said.
Sex isn’t cheap, it always comes with a price, whether it be a physical or emotional one (often both). Not something that should ever be taken lightly. And something that deserves better than to be cheapened or reduced.
Which is why, when I do write them, I’m far more focused on the emotional side of the event rather than the physical aspect. It could be strengthening the romantic connection between two characters or, in some cases, used to establish absolute villainy.
And I understand the want to fade out, as they are uncomfortable situations. But, writing in first person, as I often do, it doesn’t feel right to fade out. Fading out takes away from that emotional bond between the reader and the character.
I want my reader right there with my character every step of the way, experiencing everything they experience. To know them almost as well as they would know themselves, if that makes sense. To me, fading out sort of lessens that impact.
But, as usual, that’s me.
I don’t see how it weakens the bond. Weirdly I’ve always found that I care less when I see the sex scene, and from what I’ve observed in others it is the same.
Thing is it will always be something that cheapens. It’s Marxist and runs counter to the principles of good literature, I mean the Bible cuts to black, the Nibelungenlied, Aeneid, Iliad, Odyssey, all other good literature does so. I fail to see your point.
But we can agree to disagree.
I think also there are biological influences to consider. I can’t remember who said it or how the exact wording goes, but there’s a saying that states men focus on things whereas women focus on people, or some such.
As women, we crave that emotional input and connection more than many other things. Not to say men don’t, but it’s often not their priority.
So when it comes to these types of scenes which are primarily emotional in context, men just aren’t interested in reading about it.
And that’s perfectly fine. I have my limits on it as well. Like I told Kathrine, once parts start getting named, I’m out. Or if it doesn’t need to be there (honestly, that applies to every scene). Anything that would take away from its emotional significance.
None of this is to say it’s the only literature I enjoy either. I can’t stomach those awful Nora Roberts books or any of those department store generic romance novels 🤮(My apologies to anyone that enjoys them, I’m just not one of them). I just want a good story. If a sex scene or two is a part of it, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine too.
Oooohhh okay, I better understand your perspective. I can see what you mean, though I do wonder; you don’t like guys’ parts being named things like the holy lance or something?
Lmao, truly do get it.
Lmao, no, definitely not. 🤣
I can see why lmao.