Thank you for the kind words. It always takes me aback when people compare me to established greats. I've had some draw comparisons to Bradbury, others to Moorcock, some few to Howard or Lieber, and now Kipling. It's a humbling thing, one I'm never quite sure I agree with, but that I don't contest. If readers get these feelings from my work naturally, I see no reason to deny them this just because I'm not certain I reach that same level.
I'll clue you in on a little secret to the setting, though - all of my longer stories here share the same setting. Dekhand, the primordial jungle that Blackpaw and White-eye call home, is just one corner of it.
Hey it’s all true, you are that great mon ami! As to all of them being in the same world, I had an inkling that was the case and now have confirmation (YAY) so we’re both building large worlds!
You make me proud mon ami, I love large worlds. So you’re doing in my eyes the Lord’s work.
I own exactly one Moorcock book (Citadel of Forgotten Myths) that I have yet to read. Been hearing more and more about him lately, so I'm thinking it might finally be time to dive in.
I've read his full collection of Elric stories. Like the Bros hint at, he's not everyone's cup of tea since his stories trend darker, but I find them enjoyable. He's very imaginative and his prose is quite good, and personally I can't think of anyone else who's managed to make multiverses and alternate timelines feel like they have legitimate stakes in them. One thing that definitely comes through his writing is the period in his life where he was super depressed, though. The books take a more dour turn at that point.
Other way round. Elric came first by about 12 years, and though there's a lot of people who don't like to believe it, there's evidence that Geralt was plagiarized from Elric. Razörfist has an extensive video digging into the details on that. If I can find it again, I'll send it your way. Its focus is on the extreme similarities of The Witcher, but he goes into a lot of the other properties that swiped from Moorcock without crediting him, too, something they've largely gotten away with simply because he never wanted to fight people on it.
I’m gonna be annoying and contrarian and just say that Elric is a Geralt clone anyways, dunno how, dunno why I’d say that when it isn’t so, but I feel like imitating those with zero understanding of history or math ;) jk.
Ah okay, I get that I love your funny meme posts. I do hope you’ve got some new music up, I really love and put on repeat one or two such as Winter Born which is a real banger.
Hey. Thanks a lot for the kind words and for the promotion! I'd happily guest on your podcast if you wanted :)
As it happens I'm actually editing Saga of the Jewels Vol 1. right now before having a go at submitting it to literary agents / publishers. I agree that the beginning is the weakest part (although some people love it; see bottom review here: https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13581482/0/1/ ), and I've actually paid a professional editor to help me with it using money I made from some other writing, but I wonder: can you remember anything about why you think it "doesn’t start off...in the best way or on the surest footing at first glance"? Would help me out if so!
A few other pieces of trivia, for your interest or that of anyone else who might be reading:
-You're right, SOTJ *is* meant to start exactly like a Final Fantasy/JRPG with the protagonist waking up in his bed--another game that was firmly in my mind here was Chrono Trigger. This is a massive fantasy (and unpublished writer) cliche, but I wanted to use it deliberately and then try to shock the reader with where it goes. The latest edited version is quite different and begins immediately with the shock.
-There aren't actually any other 'fantasy races' in SOTJ, though there are plenty of fantasy cultures. Just a little point of information!
-I'm actually consciously using Jungian archetypes in the story because I studied a little bit of Jung when I was younger. I don't know what 'Jungian archetypes' you've come across, but the ones I'm using and the corresponding characters are:
Ego - Ryn (=eveRYmaN)
Anima - Nuthea
Animus - Sagar
Shadow anima - Elrann
Spirit guide - Cid
Shadow - Vish
Superego (more Freudian) - Huld (see season 2)
-SOTJ has actually been compared to the Tales of... games before! (See here https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13581482/0/2/) But Redwall and Dragonlance are new comparisons. I read plenty of Redwall as a kid, though I've only ever read one Dragonlance novel. Massive compliments, thanks a lot!
I think where it tends to be weaker, is in the description of Ryn’s first meeting with the princess, it’s a little shaky and very JRPG esque. It also continuously returns to referencing the massacre.
HAVING SAID THAT; the refernecing must be done, as it is kind of important so don’t you dare erase it. As to the Princess interaction, it is a little on the weak side in that first scene only because it feels a little forced in terms of Ryn’s interest in her and vice-versa. That being said, you’re establishing the two leads, so I’d say with a little more description, slightly different dialogue on Ryn’s part (not the princess or at least not too much as her snobbery is PERFECT).
I’ll have another look at that first chapter (it isn’t fresh in my memory) and make sure I have a blow by blow analysis. It might be that I disagree with my own points here.
So don’t pay too much attention here, I will have another listen tomorrow and make some detailed notes and then send them your way. Does that work? I’ll try to have them done before Monday or Tuesday.
Thanks; that's really helpful. You have a good eye--that's actually very similar to what the professional editor I got (Jon Oliver editor--look up him up) told me about chapter 2--alter the dialogue and cut down on the references to what has just happened in Ryn's hometown. No rush on feedback! I'm listening through it all again while on my commute, then will get to revising, probably in a week or two. I'm more looking for general impressions than blow by blow notes--which is easier to give anyway!
Also, if you want to select or write a blurb for SOTJ, please feel free! Substack > Dashboard > Settings > Publication details > Recommend other publications on substack > Manage recommendations. Then I can add your blurb to my welcome screen using Substack > Dashboard > Settings > Publication details > Recommend other publications on substack > Manage recommendations > Manage blurbs. I've already written one for your substack! ;)
As to blow-by blow I’m thinking only for that first bit, the rest of the book is solid.
But look at it this way, one of my favourite books Silverwing starts really weak in my view and builds up amazing momentum. Typically one should read 100 pages before deciding whether a book is for you, and your work only requires maybe 10 or so for it to build momentum unlike most novels. So you shouldn’t worry too much. I’ll get to work on those notes as soon as I finish my own writing for the day.
Cheers, thanks a lot. Ok, well I definitely won't say no to independent blow by blow analysis of my first chapter or two by a reader who doesn't know me personally! As to the first 100 pages, the advice these days is that the first *sentence* needs to a hook a potential reader in a bookshop / reading an Amazon sample. You need to get them on the first page or they'll never buy your book. So SOTJ still needs work...
Thank you so much! To have these words of praise for something that I originally wrote when I was around 15 or 16, and now am in my early twenties, means a lot to me.
I'm kind of surprised when people say how much they like something of mine since, in my eyes, I'm no where near as good as who I consider greats.
I’m the same way good Harold, honestly I’m eager to after the next essay maybe have another of your stories read and analyzed, and I’d like to read your most popular project in order to help further encourage folks to read it.
And if you were that good at 15 or 16, I’m very much impressed, Harold as far as I’m concerned you are one of the greats hereon Substack.
Yay! You could always write something like Redwall (except with humans of course) or like Robert the Bruce by Nigel Tranter, I think you’d be the perfect pick for stories like those mon ami.
Thank you for the kind words. It always takes me aback when people compare me to established greats. I've had some draw comparisons to Bradbury, others to Moorcock, some few to Howard or Lieber, and now Kipling. It's a humbling thing, one I'm never quite sure I agree with, but that I don't contest. If readers get these feelings from my work naturally, I see no reason to deny them this just because I'm not certain I reach that same level.
I'll clue you in on a little secret to the setting, though - all of my longer stories here share the same setting. Dekhand, the primordial jungle that Blackpaw and White-eye call home, is just one corner of it.
Hey it’s all true, you are that great mon ami! As to all of them being in the same world, I had an inkling that was the case and now have confirmation (YAY) so we’re both building large worlds!
You make me proud mon ami, I love large worlds. So you’re doing in my eyes the Lord’s work.
I own exactly one Moorcock book (Citadel of Forgotten Myths) that I have yet to read. Been hearing more and more about him lately, so I'm thinking it might finally be time to dive in.
I don’t find him to be my cup of tea but if you have the book do read it, it’s a waste not to read everything on your bookshelf.
I've read his full collection of Elric stories. Like the Bros hint at, he's not everyone's cup of tea since his stories trend darker, but I find them enjoyable. He's very imaginative and his prose is quite good, and personally I can't think of anyone else who's managed to make multiverses and alternate timelines feel like they have legitimate stakes in them. One thing that definitely comes through his writing is the period in his life where he was super depressed, though. The books take a more dour turn at that point.
I could be way off, but my initial impression is that Elric is something of a Geralt clone.
Hahahaha apparement Geralt came later, I’m not a fan of either they’re both Conan and Kull clones
Other way round. Elric came first by about 12 years, and though there's a lot of people who don't like to believe it, there's evidence that Geralt was plagiarized from Elric. Razörfist has an extensive video digging into the details on that. If I can find it again, I'll send it your way. Its focus is on the extreme similarities of The Witcher, but he goes into a lot of the other properties that swiped from Moorcock without crediting him, too, something they've largely gotten away with simply because he never wanted to fight people on it.
I’m gonna be annoying and contrarian and just say that Elric is a Geralt clone anyways, dunno how, dunno why I’d say that when it isn’t so, but I feel like imitating those with zero understanding of history or math ;) jk.
Oh wow, I thought he was a relatively new author, haha! I'd never heard of Moorcock until about 2 years ago.
I just know he has little sense, as to choose the name he has, over the alternative Moorcroft just speaks to lacking good sense on Mr. MM’s part.
Nope, Moorcock's an old goat, started writing in the late 60's if memory serves.
I am so happy that I made you happy with my writings! Wait till you read the last chapters of Lord Of Bones :D
Hehehehe, I’ll read them once I clear up those on my shelf.
Posting the 2nd one next week, then it is the very last.
COOOL! Just in time then
I hope someday I have enough content and story that someone does this for me. The commentary is simple stunning. Well done!
Hehehe thanks and I hope for the same, but you know what link me one of your stories and I’ll read it and see about offering what commentary I can.
Very cool!
Thanks! Next list will have some of your Badb stuff as I love those stories of yours!
That is awesome thank you!
I need to work more on that…
Been diving in other direction lately.
Ah okay, I get that I love your funny meme posts. I do hope you’ve got some new music up, I really love and put on repeat one or two such as Winter Born which is a real banger.
A metal cover of Winterborn is being worked on.
Awesome!
Thank you!!!
Bienvenue
Yes, these are great writers. There is no doubt.
I can only hope to be included in such an august group.
Your turn is coming up, this was supposed to be one mega-post but got sliced up, yourself, David Corder & Donn are all planned.
Hey. Thanks a lot for the kind words and for the promotion! I'd happily guest on your podcast if you wanted :)
As it happens I'm actually editing Saga of the Jewels Vol 1. right now before having a go at submitting it to literary agents / publishers. I agree that the beginning is the weakest part (although some people love it; see bottom review here: https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13581482/0/1/ ), and I've actually paid a professional editor to help me with it using money I made from some other writing, but I wonder: can you remember anything about why you think it "doesn’t start off...in the best way or on the surest footing at first glance"? Would help me out if so!
A few other pieces of trivia, for your interest or that of anyone else who might be reading:
-You're right, SOTJ *is* meant to start exactly like a Final Fantasy/JRPG with the protagonist waking up in his bed--another game that was firmly in my mind here was Chrono Trigger. This is a massive fantasy (and unpublished writer) cliche, but I wanted to use it deliberately and then try to shock the reader with where it goes. The latest edited version is quite different and begins immediately with the shock.
-There aren't actually any other 'fantasy races' in SOTJ, though there are plenty of fantasy cultures. Just a little point of information!
-I'm actually consciously using Jungian archetypes in the story because I studied a little bit of Jung when I was younger. I don't know what 'Jungian archetypes' you've come across, but the ones I'm using and the corresponding characters are:
Ego - Ryn (=eveRYmaN)
Anima - Nuthea
Animus - Sagar
Shadow anima - Elrann
Spirit guide - Cid
Shadow - Vish
Superego (more Freudian) - Huld (see season 2)
-SOTJ has actually been compared to the Tales of... games before! (See here https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13581482/0/2/) But Redwall and Dragonlance are new comparisons. I read plenty of Redwall as a kid, though I've only ever read one Dragonlance novel. Massive compliments, thanks a lot!
I think where it tends to be weaker, is in the description of Ryn’s first meeting with the princess, it’s a little shaky and very JRPG esque. It also continuously returns to referencing the massacre.
HAVING SAID THAT; the refernecing must be done, as it is kind of important so don’t you dare erase it. As to the Princess interaction, it is a little on the weak side in that first scene only because it feels a little forced in terms of Ryn’s interest in her and vice-versa. That being said, you’re establishing the two leads, so I’d say with a little more description, slightly different dialogue on Ryn’s part (not the princess or at least not too much as her snobbery is PERFECT).
I’ll have another look at that first chapter (it isn’t fresh in my memory) and make sure I have a blow by blow analysis. It might be that I disagree with my own points here.
So don’t pay too much attention here, I will have another listen tomorrow and make some detailed notes and then send them your way. Does that work? I’ll try to have them done before Monday or Tuesday.
Thanks; that's really helpful. You have a good eye--that's actually very similar to what the professional editor I got (Jon Oliver editor--look up him up) told me about chapter 2--alter the dialogue and cut down on the references to what has just happened in Ryn's hometown. No rush on feedback! I'm listening through it all again while on my commute, then will get to revising, probably in a week or two. I'm more looking for general impressions than blow by blow notes--which is easier to give anyway!
Also, if you want to select or write a blurb for SOTJ, please feel free! Substack > Dashboard > Settings > Publication details > Recommend other publications on substack > Manage recommendations. Then I can add your blurb to my welcome screen using Substack > Dashboard > Settings > Publication details > Recommend other publications on substack > Manage recommendations > Manage blurbs. I've already written one for your substack! ;)
I’ll look into those blurbs!
As to blow-by blow I’m thinking only for that first bit, the rest of the book is solid.
But look at it this way, one of my favourite books Silverwing starts really weak in my view and builds up amazing momentum. Typically one should read 100 pages before deciding whether a book is for you, and your work only requires maybe 10 or so for it to build momentum unlike most novels. So you shouldn’t worry too much. I’ll get to work on those notes as soon as I finish my own writing for the day.
Cheers, thanks a lot. Ok, well I definitely won't say no to independent blow by blow analysis of my first chapter or two by a reader who doesn't know me personally! As to the first 100 pages, the advice these days is that the first *sentence* needs to a hook a potential reader in a bookshop / reading an Amazon sample. You need to get them on the first page or they'll never buy your book. So SOTJ still needs work...
Hmm, I found that your first sentence did hook, sorta’ve it intrigued, but I’ll get to you in a few minutes about that.
Thank you so much! To have these words of praise for something that I originally wrote when I was around 15 or 16, and now am in my early twenties, means a lot to me.
I'm kind of surprised when people say how much they like something of mine since, in my eyes, I'm no where near as good as who I consider greats.
I’m the same way good Harold, honestly I’m eager to after the next essay maybe have another of your stories read and analyzed, and I’d like to read your most popular project in order to help further encourage folks to read it.
And if you were that good at 15 or 16, I’m very much impressed, Harold as far as I’m concerned you are one of the greats hereon Substack.
I'm not sure what my most popular is, but I'd be curious to see what you think of one.
I was that old, but it has been edited since, though the story and character is pretty much the same.
Thank you!
I don’t know either, is there any involving heroism and valour and honour you might recommend?
Cool, honestly I wrote my Olympnomachi stuff 3 years ago, and have been editing it so we’re both kind of in the same boat.
And you’re welcome mon ami, I’m happy to have helped you out and supported you.
I will take a look and get back to you at somepoint, if that's fine with you.
Yeah, I have several books I want to write, I feel like I'm about ready for some.
Yay! You could always write something like Redwall (except with humans of course) or like Robert the Bruce by Nigel Tranter, I think you’d be the perfect pick for stories like those mon ami.
I LOVE Redwall.
Thanks.