31 Comments

Great cut off spot. Now I have to know about the Darkspire and who the green eyed stranger with raven hair is.

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Thanks, and he's gonna pop back up in the tale, his is an extremely important role in the story, glad you liked him.

As to the Darkspire, I intend to reveal more about it in the upcoming chapters.

Really glad you approve of when to cut off the chapter, originally I was going to have it carry on further, but I saw this point in the story and thought; 'nah this is good for a cliff-hanger'. Really glad you read it Jessica J, appreciate it. I know fantasy isn't for everyone so genuinely appreciate also having a history-lover such as yourself read it.

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Oh you didn't know I've read fantasy and sci-fi for a long time. Aside from horror or character studies it's my favorite form of fiction. Oh and historical fiction. I read this series once that I can't remember the name of but it was really good and somewhat like Dark mage. I like all kinds of fantasy/ Sci fi. I was one of those annoying people during GoT that was like, " The book is different " and my literal nature was ridiculously offended, as if I had somehow forgotten books are better than movies, due to being disappointed with GoT, still love it and loved when they got it right. I'm still bitching about Martin not gifting us with Winds of Winter.

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OH I see, didn't know hahaha. I'm not a GoT fan due to the subversive nature of his works, and his contempt for Tolkien and disregard for Howard.

That said, I'm very glad to hear you love horror, fantasy and historic fiction! You seem to be a person of myriad interests, kudos to you good lady!

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Good writing!

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Thanks, appreciate the compliment mon ami! Wrote for Warrior Wednesday!

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Wow, now that's how you start a fantasy novel. You built a cool world and introduced some definitive characters, while setting up a plot that really intrigues me. What is this Darkspire? How much information is the Jarl hiding? Really well done. I'm looking forward to reading more.

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Thanks, really appreciate your kind words. Honestly, Darkspire is up to I think Ch 7 or 8 hereon Substack. And I’m currently wrapping up the first draft (then will redraft it another 3 times) before it goes off to the editor’s for Friday or Saturday.

So hopefully it keeps up the pace and the like. As to the Jarl he’s a character I really like, and how much he was hiding is revealed over the course of the story hehehe.

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*story elements (ha!)

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Hahaha

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As others have observed, you've got quite the knack for storytelling—and I'm also impressed by your skill at writing in that older style reminiscent of Tolkien, Austen, or the Brontës. Balancing detachment and emotional investment isn't easy, but you kept me engaged. I'm admittedly better at "feeling" the story epements while actually analyzing the mechanical aspects. Select tightening and copyedits will smooth out the read further, when you get to that point—but I greatly enjoy this story!

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Thank you very much, I must admit that I feel embarrassed by how slow I write in this style, as I really do want to nail that older style that I love so much. But it is very much harder to achieve, than that of say Jex the Hero. So writing is slow, but hopefully it is worth it.

I'll definitely work on tightening it up in the future appreciate the advice.

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I've been known to turn out as few as 100 words an hour when I'm writing in my default, adult-oriented style. I once averaged 200 words an hour and had to rewrite half of it the next day. Hopefully this makes you feel less embarrassed.

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Oh okay, I don't know how many words I write, I write 1 page for Darkspire a day, 1 for Swift Shadow Murders, half a page for Jex the Hero right now and 1 page of poetry a day.

But 100 to 200 words is quite a lot I believe that's how much of a page? I'm genuinely asking, as I don't know.

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It's more or less half a page on the computer, I think. One to two pages in the little notebook where I prefer to handwrite my rough drafts whenever possible—I didn't have a home computer till the end of elementary school, so I trained my brain early to think most freely and with the least distraction on paper. Sounds like you have a good writing habit. I think I'd have trouble switching gears like that. Or maybe I'd be more productive.

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Ah okay, I tend to write a page either in a notebook (pen and paper) or on pc. I'm trying to step it up, but it's hard on most days.

But as is, it sounds like you've got a great system, I love that you know how many words go into a page. That's cool!

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I'd hoped to finish reading this earlier, but it is what it is.

This, as with all of your prose, painted quite the picture of this particular corner of your world. Being someone who's had the fortune of visiting a preserved Viking age village in Norway many years ago, I found myself reminded of my experiences there. (And wishing, as I often do, to go back and visit that country and my wife's extended family again.) The daily goings on of the rural folk and the distinctness of the individual characters - in particular Sigrun, Thorgils, Thormundr, and Audun, who seem set up to be our focal cast - came across wonderfully.

I do feel there were a few more stumbling blocks here than in the first chapter of the Swift-Shadow Murders, though. In particular, I noticed points of weak repetition and redundancy in the middle and end of the story, with at least one case where the same short phrase is said twice in the same sentence. (I wish I'd thought to copy it at the time I saw it.) Another big point that threw me was the extremely sudden scene change in the middle, after the green-eyed accuser vanished. As written, there isn't any indicator that the scene changed at all until we're flat out told it was quite a while later, which had me go back and read the section twice over just to make sure I didn't miss something. As such, I think this chapter could do with another couple passes at the editing table.

However, moving back into what worked well, the sense of atmosphere in this shifts wonderfully throughout. The gradually warming excitement of the villagers for the return of Sigrun and a visit by the Jarl - starting as base gossip, then slowly growing into an excitement that boils over until the Jarl's coming ends up being late, causing the men to grow bored and the women to slowly become concerned - works as great foreshadowing for the more major conflict to come. The arrival of the accuser is suitably shocking and the tension that builds after the fact lends itself to the shift in tone for this later half. The celebratory attitude is gone, replaced with frustration, paranoia, loneliness, and a sense of isolation as the one-time family and friends of Sigurn now struggle to get on with a sister that's been gone for a decade and feels alienated from her own blood. This lends well to the slow unraveling of the conspiracy, and it makes that cliffhanger moment at the end hit all the better.

All in all, it's quite good. It needs some tightening up, particularly with that scene transition which we aren't actually shown - a brief scene of the guests leaving after this moment, showing their tension and fear, could be a great way to let us see a glimpse of this harrowing event's impact on the community as well as give us a moment to let the tension stew, adding more weight to the debates and eventual arguing - but the foundation is strong and the hooks are in deep despite the couple stumbling points. I'm looking forward to seeing where this conspiracy goes.

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Alright, you're absolutely right about needing to add that scene, thanks man! I appreciate it. Thinking back on it, I didn't put in that sort of scene and just realised I desperately need one of that sort, so yeah very apparent weak point to the chapter.

I needed this criticism, I appreciate also your kindly words and dissecting the problems between Sigrun and her family and are right about my focal cast of characters.

I just fixed up the transition part with Wolffish, to include your suggestions hope it is a little better.

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That's vastly improved. The scenes flow nicely into each other now and that brief glimpse of the crowd's panic plays wonderfully into that moment where Gertrud steps up to give them peace of mind. It also works well to show Thormundr's and the Jarl's ability to step in and take control of a difficult situation, giving us a clearer look at the respect each man commands. Nicely done!

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Thanks a bunch, I consider anything good about this fix entirely thanks to you. Those paragraph fixes are your doing, so really grateful to you and your criticism.

Also glad it reminded you of Scandinavia (this chapter i mean) in a positive sense, I've never been there but have read extensively about the place and have fam and friends from there. So relied heavily on what they told me and the old Sagas for this first chapter.

Also gonna definitely have to dedicate chapter 2 of SSM & Darkspire to you as thanks (and make sure they are top quality).

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Great atmosphere, I like the epic saga feel!

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Thanks! I really love writing this sort of story more than any other.

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I very much enjoyed your story... With all the interruptions I had, I had to abandon it and return to it several times. I too enjoyed the writing style, it ebbed and flowed seemlessly, in a leisurely manner, until the cliffhanger. Nicely done. Bravo and kudos. This is a great story. You're going to have fun unpacking this one! Might be a while...

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Yep, I'm working on chapter 2 and enjoying it. I'm glad it ebbed and flowed, my hope was to write something in the vein of Tolkien. Because too often Norse styled fantasy rushes to action, when it was Norse Sagas that inspired some of Tolkien & Howard's most leisurely tales.

Really glad you liked it! I definitely appreciate your kindly words!

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You have the storytelling gift, its plain to see. I wish you great success.

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Highest compliment I can imagine, thanks so very much my friend.

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I am grateful to you, sir.

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It is I who am grateful

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It is my pleasure.

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Jan 3
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I know you are but what is my story? Sorry couldn't resist that joke, I'm glad you liked it. It took me a whole month to write this, and I suspect chapter 2 will also.

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Jan 3
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Funny enough I tried to rush into action, but then chopped that part off and was dissatisfied. I used to rush into things, but in recent years I like to ease my readers into my world, to relax them into it before jolting them with battles like those in the Pelennor Fields.

So I'm glad you like this story, I'm glad you liked the whimsy here haha, I usually write dark stuff and wanted to first enjoy the setting and world before doing that sort of stuff.

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