23 Comments

Great start. I love how you introduced the characters, the major conflict, and of course the teaser at the end. I love how you put their voices in there. The female character is sympathetic, yet not weak and as a mother who's lost a baby that tugs at my heart strings. I read quickly so I got a bit lost in all the characters but I was able to follow the action well enough and got the "word picture." You kept the voices of the characters well thruout though, that was quite a feat considering you had to juggle so many. I know how hard it is to get all of that in the first paragraph without over-describing. This isn't my genre per se but the story is interesting and I'm wondering about this 'tanned' child.

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author

Thanks, very kind words I'm not sure how I balanced the number of characters, all I know was that I think I struggled when I wrote this chapter nearly 6 years ago. I think I've improved but on the other hand, I've become more careful about that very sort of thing. So I'm glad to hear I did it well.

I'm very fond of Rional, and glad she comes across as strong in spite of things, as I wanted to portray someone of a fiercer nature, yet laid temporarily low by suffering.

As to this not being your favourite genre I get, and so truly appreciate you reading despite that. Can I ask what your usual genre is?

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I'd like to add one more thought about your chapter. It may be right or wrong because I don't know your characters as well as you do.

The older mother character, forgotten her name, does she admonish the younger lady character about trying to kill herself too many times?

I heard myself thinking- not again! Just leave her alone!

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author

Yes she does that quite often, she's a nag and very nearly messes things up a lot. I do get why you might get irritated by that my friend, hahaha. Rional herself finds her both endearing and irritating at times.

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Just an FYI. I posted my first chapter. It's kinda long. Too long? 😬

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author

Then I gotta read it, post it in Notes and tag me, and I'll read it mon ami!

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I posted it in a post. I'll tag u there?

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I guess speculative science fiction? I'll post my first chapter 😳. And yes, I've been working on this series, for um, ten blasted years. Yikes.

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author

Hahahaha, I've been working on my over-all secondary universe for some 20 years now, my gosh it is time-consuming to build up worlds right?

Feel free to post your first chapter and I'll have a look at it tomorrow if you're alright with that (a little busy and under the weather to-day I'd like to read it when I'm in a fresh state of mind).

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Sounds like what Crichten used to write.

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The series follows the last planet of believers in the one true God as they struggle to survive in a galaxy that's pretty much devoid of true hope or faith.

The first book "Sent" chronicles the struggle of the young warrior Anaya, and his fellow brother-cousins, as they must make a dangerous trek across the Whitelands desert to get vital supplies to save their planet of Altahr. They battle the pirating Machians along the way and avoid the planet's giant predators. But meanwhile, they have a powerful and mysterious new visitor to their planet that seems to be tracking them. They fear this new entity may be there to finish them off.

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I see

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Dystopian speculative possibly?

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author

There's the term! I'm not good at coming up with book category terms hahaha thank heavens you saved me there.

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Well, it's more like Dune crossed with the Bible, toss in a bit of Tolkien, The Walking Dead, maybe, add some commentary about culture. What would you call that?

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author

Not sure, sounds pretty complex.

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Very well written and very suspenseful, I was expecting something worse to happen to Rional and I'm glad, that as of yet, nothing bad has happened.

You did great.

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author

Aww thanks, and as to the characters' fates the first few chapters are mostly focused around build-up and establishing them.

Frankly, there's a lot of bad things in store for Rional & Bradan, but it might not be until chapters 4 or so.

I remember when this novel failed (due to my lack of skill at marketing) being told it was terrible by some, so took it to heart. But that said, I've since worked hard on my craft, so that your words mean a lot Wiess.

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Is there a chance that this book is, or will be, in paperback? I've been adding to the stack of books to get. All of them are substack fiction writers, or books they've suggested.

There's something about being able to point to the book and say, "I know the author. We talk all the time on Substack."

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I had it available but pulled it down, but how's about this; I'll speed up my editing of it and try to have the whole book edited for the end of Feb or March. Then will make it available for you again on Amazon before.

It takes time to edit these chapters between everything else. I'll make sure it's available in paperback soon.

Oh and totally get it, I want to be able to do the same thing, and point to everyone's books on my shelf someday.

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Do what you gotta do. I'll buy the book.

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author

Sure, and what I gotta do is get this book revised, Jex & SSM finished and all published for fine gents such as yourself mon ami.

Really appreciate your support, and can't wait to see what you submit for WW.

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