The Weakest Chapter in the Story - Yet the one with the most Potential - The Greatest of Myths of Bulgaria: Lord of Bones - Analysing Black Knight's First Great Mythological Epic
The Bone Lord Cometh!
Another day, another Lord of Bones analysis essay. So here goes.
“Today, the fall wind serendipitously escaped a fate most despicable. The Aerial travelled across many a horse’s daily gait worth of olden forest. Whirling over fields of rotting bones and rusting armour, he turned back, right before bashing his head at the gates of Zhul City.
His sister Miasm, another of the Aerials, had already taken to the streets and soiled the rooftops. Disgusted at the dangling gibbets and horrid bulwarks, she spat her bile all over the city walls. Bathed in rotting blood, the enchanted stones became shrouded in foul greenish murk, nigh impossible to see through. Yet, even Miasm’s foggy reign had an end and the Aerial retreated before Sun’s glowing crown.”
This is a dense text in terms of world-building. It is a great bit though if I am the name Zhul City always struck me as odd and somewhat short. I don’t mind short names but this one is too much so.
As to the Aerials I’m going to hazard a guess that they are angelic beings? This would be the first reaction of readers. The thing about not explaining things, details is that it leaves one confused.
You see though many may complain about descriptions and exposition it is absolutely important in the Mythic Fiction Genre. If you don’t do it, then you risk people being too confused, too bewildered to carry on because if they start pondering how much they don’t know they will stop feeling part of the Secondary World and that’s not good. You need people willing to suspend disbelief, willing to forego this present principal world in favour of the Secondary one.
So I’ll just comment that the Aerial detail should be clarified from the word go, as should descriptions of buildings, vehicles/horses, weather and all else.
“Morning was announced by the Wyrm’s Horn, its terrifying howl waking up Bone Raiders, serfs, and slaves alike. The latter soon joined the Horn and their lamentations echoed across the city, oft silencing the relentless hammering of smithies, the screech of oxen carts loaded with merchandise, and the boots of Thulm, marching off to go on a raid. At the city’s center there stood a tall, baleful tower.
Ten thousand jeweled skeletons were entombed in its shining silver, gold, and precious stone walls. Once a warrior, a ranger, a wizard; these sorrowful remains became symbols of the Overlords’ supremacy, their overwhelming power and victory over the weak.
Over twelve elbows tall, Zhul’s Overlord gazed down upon his domain and flexed muscles of flesh and magick. The elaborate helm hid his long and well-groomed dark mane, yet the visor was up. Morning’s tired sun shone upon a chiselled face and a nose hooked like the beak of a carrion bird.”
The skeletons description is quite good, a lot of these details I quite like and must admit suggests to me a thriving city, one that lies at the centre of a powerful civilization or at least a healthy one.
But the notion of twelve elbows tall is… a choice. A bad one to be quite frank. I don’t get it, and upon this re-read I have had to google it and it wasn’t clear to me still how tall it is so I’ll just assume Overlord is about 4 ft11 inches why? I like the idea that he’s a Dwarf or something.
If I’m sounding critical and harsh it is because again this chapter stands as one of my least favourites in the book, due entirely to the confusion I feel here and there, and the frustration of not being able to enmesh myself fully into the book. I must be honest with my reviews and analysis of each chapter.
The description of the Overlord’s face is perfect though, this is how you do it. Because I can well imagine his face, and this is something I quite like. It allows a painting in the mind’s eye to be painted, to be drawn up and really does help.
“I won’t suffer weakness in my domain...” – thought the Overlord.
“Yours... if you can keep it, Lord!” – a woman’s malevolent voice snickered in his mind.”
Telepathy is a pet-peeve in Fantasy for me. I don’t like it. Rarely does it get a pass. When I see it I think of X-Men, and while I like the odd stories it is also irritating to think about telepathy in a story like this.
Telepathy on a personal level harms my ability to enmesh in the world even more than anything else, as it is the most boring super-power around. And since it has become so completely and utterly associated with Sci-Fi it is something that causes me to start pondering if the magicks aren’t just technology and the X-Men ‘X-Gene’ or something like Superheroes.
Magic is one thing but it shouldn’t be linked to the character’s direct thoughts, as that tends to limit the wonder and it opens up all sorts of possibilities with regards to the villain if they can read your mind then there is no stratagem, no way of victory and if the hero(ine) can do it, then defeat is impossible.
Give me Arthas, Aragorn or Conan and not Jean Grey, Martian Manhunter or Charles Xavier please.
“There was no comparison between him and the last Overlord, for he personally killed his enemies.
“True,” – with snark thought the Hag – “yet he ruled much longer than anyone else.”
“And what was his reward in the end, oh Hag of hags?! The fool died like a weakling, in his sleep.” – Spat out the Overlord, as he slowly walked towards his throne, and sat on it.”
This is a series of details though that are quite interesting. They offer insight into the way the villains work, into the nature of the relationship between this Overlord and the prior one. Showing that this one is someone who is pretty murder happy yet a coward like Palpatine.
One could smell the Star Wars influence in this regard, and it isn’t a bad one. To look to Star Wars for influence for these sort of details is actually a good idea. Many of the villains, their relationships with one another and their methodology gives a diversity of options.
What is more is that the Red Hag who is so persistent and who has taken on the appearance of a beautiful lady despite likely being as ugly as most witches in folklore and literature beneath these illusions shows herself to be something of a trickster. She enjoys discomfiting the Overlord, annoying him and otherwise pushing him towards self-doubt and uncertainty.
Likely it is a power-move by her. This sort of thing is important to showcase the power-dynamics between the villains, the sort of thing that is meant to destabilize the Overlord so that he is weakened or to an extent held within her thrall. tldr; he’s in an abusive relationship, poor guy she’s a lot like my mom’s second husband ;).
“The Red Hag could only touch her Overlord’s mind with his concession. She couldn’t overpower him even with the full might of her Flesh Stave. Forged from magickally petrified wizard’s blood and wrapped in witches’ rope made of dried sorcerer’s guts, this staff increased her powers twofold. The recent addition of a red-iron sphere encrusted with thirteen Arkan kin eyes frozen by embalming spells, gave her the ability to mercilessly exploit her minions’ gaze. However, none could dare think of the Overlord as somebody’s underling.”
This description comes after a lengthy exchange during which we learn that she’s pregnant with the Overlord’s child, he has some sort of power over her and yet there’s a lasting impression that she still has a hold over him. Arguably, he might think himself in control but there’s every implication that he’s not.
The Red Hag has made her point, she is mother to his child and has shaken his confidence and driven him to lashing out in a fit of emotions and anger. If that isn’t a victory I don’t know what is. The reason it is a victory is because it is meant to destabilize as mentioned before.
The Overlord is soon visited by one of his knights, is recommended not to lash out (because he’s an idiot) and after a mutually abusive exchange reminiscent of Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa from Power Rangers the Overlord gives his partner the night off.
“Leave me to strategize, Hag. Go commune with thy shackled flesh puppets, summon a daemon. Do everything in thy power, but find out who doomed the Decaying ones!”
This is honestly one of the funniest dismissals of all times. This is the high point of the chapter as it is the sort I think I should try next time I’m dealing with an anal retentive school principal or teacher…. then again it might just get me fired lickety split.
It is this sort of dialogue that’s the strong suit of
so that this almost redeems this chapter.This chapter could have used more lore, and yet on the positive side it belongs in an RPG Maker Game. The sort I play often, so that I do wish this story and chapter were made into such a game yet as a literary chapter I’m not sure how well it works.
So you cannot say that this is a chapter that is outright irredeemable, as bear in mind Black Knight is a good author with plenty of experience. It is just that this is a chapter that leaves me frustrated but it could have used some work. That said it might be interesting to see an Overlord story where he starts out as a villain like this and is later redeemed a la Piccolo from DBZ or something.
There’s potential here, but I do think that a Lord of Bones video-game would be quite the treat.
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